Free Wiener Wares! (My First Ever Giveaway)

Long before there were food trucks bedazzled with bottle caps, there was the singular gas-powered mobile mecca that spread the good word of wieners, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.  Currently on the road, it will be making a brief stop in Center City (15th and Market) next Wednesday, July 20, where local artist/hot dog hot shot Hawk Krall will be serving up an assortment of franken-franks of his own creation starting at 11:30 A.M.  In conjunction with this, I'm offering my readers the opportunity to win a bag of goodies that includes:

• T-shirts
• Coupons for Oscar Mayer Selects
• Mini Grill
• Apron
• Grilling Accessories
• Wiener Whistle

To select a winner, I'm going to try a little trivia (please answer in the comments).  The first person that can tell me both the names of the super troopers that pulled the Wienermobile over AND the name of the Texas town where it happened wins.  So get commenting already. Your wiener whistle awaits.

Update: With the first and only response (which means nobody's reading this goddamn thing anymore), Brooklyn-before-Brooklyn-was-cool resident Matthew Imberman takes home the grand prize.  Congratulations!

My Friends are Cooler Than Your Friends: Jason Goodman and Jeremy Lovitt of Goods Restaurant

When the world ends (which might be soon), I can say for a fact that Jason Goodman and Jeremy Lovitt will be among the few to manage the daunting task of recreating civilization.  Their Mad Max approach to sustainability not only allows them to make lemonade out of lemons, but helps them find the right lemons to use.  Case in point, Goods--their recently soft-opened food concept in Williamsburg, Brooklyn--began as an empty lot and an abandoned trailer (that they tracked down in upstate NY).  Two years later, they've transformed the two into a kitchen, bar, and outdoor eating/drinking spot.  Some of the neater details: the fully custom kitchen is inside a 1946 Spartan, the outdoor flooring will be repurposed wood from Coney Island's boardwalk,and the menu--created by chef Alex McCrery--will feature beef sourced from Pat LaFrieda, hot dogs made with grass-fed beef, house made pickles, and beignets made to order; quite possibly the freshest donut you'll ever eat.  I went with a Goods burger and curly fries.  The loosely packed ground beef made for a surprisingly juicy burger for what I'm told is an 85/15 blend.  Topped with local cheddar, caramelized onions, and served on a potato roll, I made a mess of myself eating it, but it was too delicious to put down and bother with napkins.  And the curly fries.  It was amazing to see these on the menu, not only because hand cut fries aren't my favorite, but because I haven't had them in years, and they're really fucking good.  While I ate my face off, Jason took time out of his busy schedule to catch up with me about the project, about 3rd Ward, and plans for the future.  It's a bit long, but we hadn't caught up for while.  Regardless, it's an excellent opportunity to deconstruct the synapses of an artist who has launched himself, along with his business partner Jeremy, head first (and nuts on the table) into the role of being an entrepreneur, and a successful one at that.

Why Did I Eat This?

I have no idea how they did it, but Burger King has managed to transform hot dog meat into something that resembles ribs, complete with a bone.  No mention of them on the consumer website (yet), but I tracked down a press release claiming that their ability to bring "authentic" bone-in ribs to market is due to "proprietary cooking technology."  So how does this cooking technology taste?  Imagine a hot dog marinated in liquid smoke, then burnt beyond recognition.  In other words, just like the turkey leg at Disneyworld, but somewhat easier to eat.  Not surprisingly, the mad scientists came real close to recreating the charcoal flavor, but it wasn't enough to mask the disappointing flavor of the rib meat.  With a hefty price tag of $8.20 for a value meal that includes a half-dozen ribs, you're better off ordering from your local Chinese fast food joint with the bulletproof glass and the lunch specials that you can get at any hour of the day.  Buen provecho.

Getting High on Beef at 500°

 As the burger trend wanes if favor of offal in spandex (hot dogs, gourmet or otherwise), what's left in its wake is nothing to mourn.  Philly now has a burger for everyone, even Bobby Flay fans.  But if you're like me, and Bobby Flay's steely blue eyes and mascara-stained lashes make you want to cry tears of rage, you're much better off forgoing the food emperor's palace for anywhere else.  Today's "anywhere else" took me to 500°, the burger joint that Burgatory calls "a champagne burger on a beer budget."  The verdict?  Sorry to say, but this one's got PYT beat, which is huge for me considering that their Fat Boy Monster topped my 2009 list of "The Best Shit I Ate All Year."  Griddled enough to help you get over the moral dilemma of being a meat eater (if that's an issue for you), their medium rare still drips with blood-tinged juices to remind you that you're at the top of the food chain.  The patty’s cross section fades from a griddled edge to a deep red center, a color gradient that looks as beautiful as it tastes.  Thanks to the cheese, the ribbon of bacon stays with the sandwich instead of prematurely jumping ship, and not only do the fresh jalapeños provide a crunchy contrast to this pillow of perfection, their spice reminds you that this world is cruel.  Served with truffle fries on the side, I could eat 499 more.  Buen provecho.


500° is located on 15th and Sansom Sts in Center City.  I got their version of an extra value meal for $10.80.  The burgers alone are closer to the 5 to 6 buck range, which is a stellar value. You can follow them on Twitter @500_Degrees.

Field Notes: Chicago Hot Dogs

A dear friend of mine just relocated to Chicago.  Something about math and markets during the day and impersonating Grant Achatz in the evenings.  He's somewhat reserved, unless there's a skateboard underneath his feet or a microphone being forced into the crowd.  Anyhoo, I'm really hoping that he'll be my Chicago food proxy, especially after receiving this a few days ago:


"I must have sounded like an idiot ordering, I asked so many questions. Like someone who goes to Pat's and asks how the onions are prepared. People put on a lot of toppings. I asked for sauerkraut, and the big homegirl said, 'This ain't New York.' Then I asked if the hot dogs are pork or beef. 'This is beef, honey. The pork's between my legs.'" 

Thanks, D-tron.  Buen provecho.

My Sister-in-Law Found a Dog. Is It Yours?

This little sweetheart was found on Dexter Street in Manayunk. If you are the owner or know the owner of this pooch, please leave me a comment so we can get her back home safely. Unlike my life, this is not a joke.

Worst Snack Ever

As a man on the move, sometimes life hands me lemons and I'm too busy to make lemonade. Having less than a moment to spare between pointless meetings that didn't require my presence, I grabbed a pretzel hot dog yesterday. Holy shit was it shitty. The dough wasn't fully cooked around the pretzel, so I alternated crunching and chewing a pretzel that literally tasted like cardboard (I took a bite of a cardboard box when I got home just to test the palate). As a young boy, I ate moldy bread thinking that the bluish spores were berries. I'd take the moldy bread any minute of any hour of any day over the pretzel hot dog that's probably still making its way through me now. Buen provecho.