Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Why Did I Eat This?

Admit it. This looks delicious. Maybe not gourmet, but definitely worth a trip down the esophagus. Gooey cheese, an assortment of meats, a crusty and chewy shell, all pre-processed, pre-packaged, frozen, shipped to your nearest Pizza Hut delivery storefront, reheated, and delivered to your doorstep. A second item from the Hut that makes me ponder, "Why did I eat this?" The main reason would have to be that I wanted to check it off the list of things that advertisements tell me to eat. I don't know how on earth they can make this thing so big for so cheap (see photo below for scale), especially with all the meat and cheese inside, but it beats the shit out of a $5 footlong.

I've been trying to get my hands on one of these since Tommy Davidson came out of "retirement" to bounce around on TV and scream "P'zone!" in your face repeatedly (much better than the footlong jingle). Not being anywhere near a pizza hut at the time, I missed my oppotunity, and I figured P'zones had gone the way of the unicorn until my non-DVR TV watching presented me with a second chance. After Mrs. Gastro smacked me out of my Homeresque trance, I grabbed the phone, lowered my expectations, and impatiently waited for about 30-40 minutes.

The verdict? It's actually pretty good, although it's way too much food. If it wasn't so heavy (according to the commercials, over a pound, which feels about right), you could wear it on your head to the Kentucky Derby. The best strategy is to try and stretch it over a couple meals/days if at all possible. Shoving the whole thing in your face will just put you to sleep. It's also really greasy, and I doubt you'd want to shove a paper towel inside of it, so that thing you normally do with really greasy pizza and paper towels doesn't work. If you're a slob like me, this isn't too much of an issue, but you should be mindful of such things as remote controls and couch cushions.

If we're going to call a spade a spade, it's really just a calzone with a clever name, but that's enough to sell me. If you can't find a real pizzeria nearby, or you're just a sucker for marketing like me, I'd give the P'zone a shot. Even if you think it sucks, you're only out six bucks. Buen provecho.

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